“If this is love, I don’t want it. Take it away, please! Why does it hurt so much?”
“Because it was real.”
Love is so many things and right now it feels like an ache that will never fully leave my heart. It’s an echo of all the memories that play through my head, it’s the projector that has no off switch. Every smile, every laugh, every sleepy hello at 2am…all these memories etch themselves further onto my heart like a brand iron. The pain is comforting and torture all wrapped into one.
I was talking with a long time friend the other day and I told her, “I still wear the ring she gave me…this all is just so hard without her.” She responded so lovingly by saying, “Because you love her. Because you found your place with her. Because you finally let yourself be you.”
I think that is all for tonight. As the quote says, “Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks.” It makes it very hard to see the screen. It’s really hard to miss her and to love silently. I’m still working on the moving on process. It seems to be a lot harder than I thought. I’m told that it’s fine and I shouldn’t feel embarrassed by the time that it takes. Love really is so many things and tonight it’s sad…hopefully tomorrow holds a little less sadness.