“Eventually, it will get easier…” In case anyone is unaware, that is the popular statement after a breakup. I hate it. Yes, I know that eventually my heart won’t feel like it’s been squeezed to death…eventually it won’t feel like my whole world is collapsing around me…eventually, but not now. I think after being in love with someone for any amount of time, it is well deserved to have a nice long, ugly faced cry after it ends. The story starts like this; I met a woman at a wedding and we quickly became friends. It was as if I had known her my whole life. I was completely comfortable talking with her about my life, fears, dreams and desires. Somewhere along the way we both realized that we were feeling much more than friendship for one another and then there it was; love. I remember the night I realized I was in love with her. I was sleeping and I woke up thinking about her. Something shifted in my heart and I felt like my soul was going to explode with happiness. I was in love. We had our ups and downs like any relationship, but our story was different than the rest. We had 12 hours of distance between us and no matter how frequent the visits, there was always a goodbye at the end. We eventually ended our relationship and went our separate ways. I, however, was still not over her. I continued to carry around the ring I had bought. The ring was the one she wanted. It was a beautiful silver band, with a blue heart cut stone in the middle. I was going to propose. Obviously, I didn’t…and then it really ended with a text message from her saying that we should turn the page and move on.
That is where the beginning of this entry comes into play…the eventually part. I have done the ugly cry face and woken up with puffy eyes. I’ve done the crying in the shower thing and I’ve done the I need to keep my mind busy thing. However, the sadness always catches up to me and I find myself missing her more than I ever thought I could miss one person. So, I have given into the sadness and have decided to allow it to run its course. I won’t hide the fact that my heart is broken or that I’m still in love. I will start this moving on process and see where it takes me. I think in the back of mind I will always be hoping for another chance with us and I’m kind of a sucker for fairy tales. I’m not betting on that chance, but right now, it’s a nice thought. I think if I had the chance to tell her one more thing it would be this;
“From time to time, I hope you remember to have grace for yourself. You really are as great as everyone says. Remember that people come and go, but that doesn’t mean you are easily forgotten or that you’re not important. It just means that they were too blind to see how wonderful you truly are. Remember your logic of wishing on falling leaves. That thought holds magic that you should never lose. You deserve to have someone tell you how beautiful and amazing you are everyday. I hope when you do think of me, it’s with a fondness. I would hate to be remembered badly. Lastly, please always remember that for a beautiful time we loved with a depth far beyond any distance.”