Honestly, I don’t know how I’m here again. Every up seems to have an even deeper fall. I’m lying here on my back and this time, is it okay to stay?
My mind feels like a prison, I guess I’m a prisoner to my mind. Still, I tell everyone that everything is fine. Plaster on that fake smile while I think to myself, “I can’t do this anymore.”
Suicide laughs from the sidelines saying, “put me in coach, she’s ready to be done.” Still, I lay here.
It’s so much effort to get up. To be present….to stay.
I’m losing days–time I can’t get back and I’m spending it trying to survive. Every fighter eventually gets tired and leaves the fight.
I wish there was a reset button or a pause to life. For everyone struggling to take a deep breath and feel peace. To hear quiet.
I’m grasping at the sides to pull myself up, but the weight of my heart is heavy and the way up is long.
Where do I go from here? To start, I take a deep breath, wipe the tears away, and I take the hands that have reached out to me. As much as the voices tell me I’m alone, I know I have friends to help me fight my demons.
I am not alone.